Packed and Panicked.

Maybe panicked is a bit of an exaggeration. Nonetheless - I thought that it all wouldn't necessarily "hit me" - as they say - until maybe I got on the plane, or even got to Dublin, but I think packing really did the trick. (Disclaimer: My mom did all of the packing. She's a wizard at fitting an incredible amount of stuff into an incredibly small space. She's my hero, and I'm blessed to have her.)

Looking into a bag and realizing these few items of clothes, books, documents, an iPad and a journal - that's all you get to take. That's it. You're exploring the world. Four huge, giant, brand new countries that will completely and utterly blow your mind, exhaust you, amaze you, but stop you dead in your tracks, introducing you to things you never thought possible. It's damn uncomfortable. And this bag. That's all you get. Good luck. No Mom to come home to and say, "That was hard." No roommates, no best friends, no comfort of your own bed. No long days of doing nothing but watching Netflix, riding your bike around your hometown, or simply being completely unconsciously comfortable.

This is all you get. And I've got to say, that scared the shit out of me just a tiny bit. I cried for a second, and then couldn't help it, but I started to smile. My dad said, "You know, these things are rough. You're gonna have these moments. It's uncomfortable, and there's a huge fear of the unknown. But I just think you're more alive when you're going through those times. You just live more." He's so right. I'm going to live so much in the next six weeks. Live and grow. And growth isn't always the most comfortable, easy thing, but it's so very rich.

I have a team of the most amazing people ever behind me, cheering me on. So many friends and family saying, "This is going to be so awesome for you." It, honestly, is keeping me sane right now, because without them, I'm not sure I could believe I could do it.

I love you all like mad, and I'll miss you like crazy.

xoxo

A Quick Word on Language I May Be Using.

I've been back and forth with this, but I've decided I need to allow myself to talk about God on this blog. It probably won't be often, but I do need to feel the freedom to express a central part of my thought-processes. If that bothers you, I really hope you can still read and follow my adventures anyway. I don't think anything I say should offend you. And if it does - let me know and I'll change it.

I've found in the last three years that the times in my life spent regularly praying have been incredibly beneficial. It's not always necessarily easy to be "in a relationship with God," but at the end of the day - I find more joy in life when I do feel that relationship is active. The times in my life (see: the last few weeks) that I'm out of touch with the spiritual, I feel life is dull, boring, maybe depressing, and I feel a little bit deader.

I've traveled before and I've felt this deadness. Far from home, far from joy, far from God, and far from self. This is simply not an option during this trip. I have been waiting to "backpack" Europe for years and years, and this trip ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO BE FULL OF JOY. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy. I just know that if I make an effort every day to turn my heart away from worry and toward its center, I will be able to find true joy in the midst of what could easily be chaos.

I believe that God is everywhere and He is everything. These places and these people that I'm meeting are going to be brand new. They are going to be God showing Himself to me in all new shapes, forms, and speaking to me in brand new languages. I will not allow myself to not be utterly thankful to the Creator of this awesome world that I'm exploring. I will not allow myself to not be in conversation with Him. Thanking Him, praising Him, and knowing Him through this adventure which He made possible.

I know I'll learn more about Him in the next six weeks than I ever thought possible. I just want you, whoever is reading, to be a part of that journey, since it is a huge part the journey I'm taking. Closer to God, loving Him every step of the way is the journey I'm taking. And I just don't feel this can be rightfully called my travel blog without the story of that journey.

And I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open...

Pre-Departure Blog Explaination.

In two days, I'm leaving for Europe. I can't really believe it, honestly. A few months ago, I was applying to music programs in Germany and being rejected. I knew I wanted to be in Europe, I guess I didn't really know how or why or what exactly I wanted from the continent. Really, this trip was my Plan C and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've wanted to travel around Europe since I can remember, and it's pretty spectacular that it's all happening so soon. It's pretty spectacular that I'll be able to see so much, and pretty spectacular that my 15-year-old self was smart enough to put away all that birthday money and under-the-table paychecks to provide this trip of a lifetime. I'm feeling really blessed. Nervous, unprepared, frightened. And blessed.

I might be one of the most Wanderlustisch people you'll come across. Since I got my license at 16, I haven't really been able to sit still. My favorite pastime as a high school kid was to drive myself (and usually a friend or two, whether they liked it or not) so far into the middle of nowhere that it would take a significant amount of back-tracking and guestimating and "uh-this-looks-kinda-familiar"ing to get myself back on the right track. I'm not sure whether it is the desire to be far away from home, or the desire to independently guide myself back home from the far reaches of the Universe that drives my Wanderlust. Either way, I'm indulging it this summer.

I'll be visiting Ireland, Norway (with a brief layover in Latvia), Germany (with a day in Austria), and France. I'll be gone from May 31 (this Thursday) until July 15.

I look forward to having you with me, my friends and family of the interwebz.