Here comes the Homesickness.

I'm totally homesick already. Aren't I too old for this feeling? Too adventurous, too brave, too independent to honestly write the words, "I wish my mom and dad were here" in my journal? Isn't this a completely juvenile thing to be feeling? Shouldn't I be more grateful, more excited about this awesome adventure in my hands right this very moment? Shouldn't this be completely easy and fun? HA. If I wanted things to be easy and fun, I'd just hang out in college the rest of my life. Would be nice, but completely lack of any sort of personal growth whatsoever. After a little bit of journaling, sniffling, and praying, Lucas Glenn's voice rings in my ear. Lucas is my pastor in Worcester and I hear his words often in times of tribulation - I'd say that marks pastoral success, wouldn't you? The many times Lucas has mentioned the value of community repeats itself over and over. Basically, God is a communal God. Jesus died so that we can have a relationship with God - we can be free from sin, free to talk to Him as an intimate friend. And our relationships with other people are the next best thing we experience to God's presence. I'm not giving up on God's presence sustaining me, but I think this little lesson taught me a bit about homesickness and travel. We get homesick because we miss HOME, right? Well, what is HOME? It's a feeling of comfort and closeness. And more often than not, we consider our experience of home as a positive one due to the people we find there. When we feel closely connected to people - our roommates, family, church community - we start to call that place we reside together HOME. Being far away from there is a disconnection from that community. I'm so grateful to my cousins I' staying with for having me and coming to see me from England, and I love them and get along with them great, but I haven't seen them in a few years. I don't know them intimately the way I know the people at HOME. I don't know ANYONE in this city that way. I don't know anyone on this entire continent that way. And that's what's so sickening. No one here knows my heart the way God intended for other people to know my heart. So my prayer for this trip is the following: God, help me to feel your loving, intimate presence at every moment. You are my true center, my one true HOME. Thank you for loving me so much that you forgive me of anything that keeps my heart far from yours. I pray that I don't sadly pine after those I love not being close, but instead that you teach me and help me to become close with those you set in my path. I pray that through this journey, my community grows, and thus my heart grows in You and toward You. Amen.