Sunday, June 10, 2012
June Tenth, Feeings.
I feel ill-equipped. Like a child on this huge adveneture. Unprepared, yet overprepared in all the wrong places. I feel incapable and weak. I feel guilty for having these feelings, like an ungrateful brat who can't appreciate the magical adventure she's in the middle of. I feel too quiet, too easy going, too easy to walk all over. I do not feel like the strong woman I thought I was before I left. I do not feel like I am conquering the world. I do, at least, feel honest. I do feel like I will fight this. I do feel like it will pass. I do feel like I will be stronger and more something after all this is over (not quite sure what that is yet, though). From Proverbs: Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Josh Garrels: And even when I fall, I get back up, for the joy that overflows my cup. Heaven filled me with more than enough. Broke down my levee and my bluff. Let the flood wash me. I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. And now I feel God's peace, and that's all that's left in my heart. Goodnight. xoxo
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You need to give yourself a big old break, kid! Yes, you are a babe in the woods right now, you are doing things at the age of 20 that would blow the mind of a crap-load of 45 year olds. Of course, you're going to feel unprepared, incabable and weak - you're human! Accept what you are, you're a timy little spec in a huge universe. But what a beautiful and amazing spec you are! Go with the flow, love life, be kind and loving, cry and laugh and give yourself a big old break - you are, after all, the shisnit and a lot of people love you so much, like me. X.
ReplyDeleteHi Ash,
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying the blog! Your writing is so expressive and real. I laughed out loud at the image of you walking around Oslo saying that word outloud everywhere! Thanks for sharing so honestly and beautifully. I look forward to the next entry!
AASSSHHH!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood god woman how to do bring me to tears with almost everything you write, sing, and say? This post is the exact reason why I hold you so dear in my hear babe. What a wonderful mixture of feelings! Feeling homesick is so bittersweet isn't it? In one hand you think "this freakin' sucks...I miss the people I love so much and there's nothing I can do about it." But on the other hand...it's a great feeling to have people to miss. It makes you realize how much you love them and how truly lucky you are to be loved by them. You miss your family and friends? So do it! Embrace it! Take that sad feeling and use it to fuel your trip. Take pictures to show all of us who aren’t there with you. Gather little memorabilia here and there along your way to show us when you come home. Pray when you feel homesick, and know that we all think of you every day. And keep writing in this blog missy because honestly, reading about your endeavors has become a favorite activity for me back here in Burly. I am so happy for you, and I love you so much ash. Lets skype soon, I want to see your face betch :)
-Lele